Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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