i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
