3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
PANTIES FOUND
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