can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
