Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
