dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
