I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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