She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
