Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
