Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
