1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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