Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
