So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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