Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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