I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
