it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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