I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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