unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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