the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
