I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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