Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
