i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize