I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
