did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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