Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
