We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
