I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
