i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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