its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
