remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
