the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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