OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
North Korea, Best Korea!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
