finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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