I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
