I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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