That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
