Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think people are normalizing furries
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
