Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
