You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
