I wish I could teleport
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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