The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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