Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Please don't give away my fajitas
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You left your phone here
Wait...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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