recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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