dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
