none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
