if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You were trust falling into bushes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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