i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
