Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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