I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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