I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
