For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
