I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
