I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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