Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
