genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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