I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
